


Our Mistakes

by Shadow_Ember



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, Backstory, Bodhi-Centric, Character Study, Force Ghosts, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-09-12 08:23:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9064015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow_Ember/pseuds/Shadow_Ember
Summary: Galen Erso approaches a flighty pilot with a mission to change the fate of history. Bodhi believes he must have the wrong man.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Terrible summary is terrible. The story is not as bad, trust me. Basically, I saw Rogue One today and couldn't contain my feels and had to get something posted today.   
> I do not own anything from Star Wars, all rights belong to their respective owners.

     Bodhi had always been a ball of nervousness. Some of his co-pilots said he had spent just a little too long in flight simulations and the blood had gone to his head. Turned an eager boy of excitement into one who gazed at the ground instead of his officer’s eyes, bit his lip before every landing clearance, and drummed his fingers nervously against the dashboard of his ship. His superior officer had once remarked that he should never own a gun, and a good thing it was that pilots did not need that sort of thing for routine flights.

     Bodhi was used to it. He had long since settled into his nervousness, found it normal to shift his eyes often. How others could be so calm, he could not fathom. The one thing Bodhi did excel at though was quick reflexes. One of his flight testers had said that he showed great potential on occasion, but his nervousness held him back. When Bodhi piloted ships while his co-pilots dozed, he could not help but feel that his officer was wrong. A twitchy finger was best when obstacles loomed out of the mist only meters from the cockpit, but perhaps Bodhi had dreamed of those maneuvers. A trick of his anxious mind, making ordinary missions out to be more dramatic than what they were.

     Galen was the first person he met to say otherwise.

     Bodhi did not think he was special, no. The scientist had needed a pilot, that was all. Galen first approached him after a cargo drop off; Bodhi had just been moving some shipment onto the landing pad.

     Looking approvingly over the supplies that arrived, Galen commented offhandedly to Bodhi. “You’re a good pilot, aren’t you?”

     It took a moment for him to realize the scientist was talking to him. He asked, “Um, sir?”

     “These vials,” he explained, “are very delicate. I had expected one or two of them to break.”

    Bodhi smiled nervously. “Well sir, my job requires me to transport things intact. No less for the Empire.” He laughed quietly and hoped the scientist was pleased enough to let him finish dropping off the shipment.

    “And what does the Empire do for you in return?” the man said. Bodhi turned to cock his head in confusion. “Sir?” he asked. “I merely mean to say the Empire must compensate you well for the transportation of such vital materials,” he said.

     Bodhi laughed and rubbed at the back of his head, trying not to think of his raggedy appearance and equally ragged bank account. He looked over the shipment and wondered what they could be if they were so vital. “Just a job, sir.” He looked down for a beat at the man’s penetrating stare. “I like to fly.” His arm rubbing his shoulder spoke enough; he was itching to get back in the cockpit and go back to a routine, something other than this conversation that he was unsure about. At least in the pilot’s seat he could cast his eyes about in vigilance and not uncomfortableness.

     “Well I believe you must have other important work to do,” the man concluded. He smiled dazzlingly, before offering his hand. “Galen Erso. Pleased to meet you…”

     “Bodhi,” he said, all too eager as he shook the hand. A smile twitched on his lips, but he quickly nodded in farewell and jogged back to his ship. Clearing for leave was merely routine, and Bodhi could not help but squirm in his seat, unused to meeting someone new, one who seemed strangely interested in the career of a pilot. Out of the corner of his eye, Bodhi thought he saw a small wave from Galen’s shrinking figure, but put it out of his mind as he prepped the thrusters.

     He did not talk to Galen again for a few months. Cargo transports to Eadu were rather infrequent, and many other bases needed supplies. Surprisingly, a personnel transport was what brought him back. Galen and a few scientists required transport to a star destroyer several planets away. A short flight, for sure, but Bodhi was unsure why he had been assigned to the job, sending him into a state of general unease.

     While boarding, Galen smiled at him despite tired eyes, and Bodhi became even more anxious than before. Could the scientist have remembered him? Unlikely, but the thought made him wary. His anxiousness drummed up worse than usual, he found it difficult to keep his voice steady as he gave flight announcements over the com system to his passengers. When Galen rapped on the doorframe of the cockpit, Bodhi nearly jumped out of his seat in fright.

    Galen smiled apologetically. “Didn’t mean to scare you,” he said. “Mind if I sit down?” He gestured to the empty co-pilot seat, since the flight was short and did not require a partner. Bodhi tipped his head, choosing to keep his attention on his flight path.

    Galen was silent for a while, and Bodhi felt anxious again. His fingers tapped on his thigh, and he bit his lip, eyes watching for invisible enemies to appear out of nowhere.

    “How long have you been a pilot for the Empire, Bodhi?” he asked suddenly.

    Bodhi gripped the steering wheel. So he did remember him. “Ah, oh, I don’t know,” he shrugged in a manner he hoped was casual, “Ever since I graduated from the academy.”

    Galen nodded silently. Beyond them, the stars flickered in the distance. “Pardon me for bringing politics into the conversation, but do you think the Empire is right in their actions?”

     Bodhi’s head swam. “Right? I don’t know what you mean.”

    “I mean are they going about ruling the galaxy right?” He turned towards him, strangely insistent. “One organization in control of it all.”

    He shrugged, feeling small and like his goggles took up too much of his face. Bodhi said, “I don’t know. I’m just a pilot.”

    Galen merely huffed and leaned back into his seat. “The Empire does a great many things. Their recent ambitions, their methods…I’m not sure it is right.”

     He seemed deep in thought. The quiet led Bodhi to ruminate on the Empire the past couple years. Of the vials he had transported to Eadu and the rush of cargo and personnel between bases. Several rumors of extremists back on Jedha, the tales pilots swapped with each other in cargo bays. He remembered his youth, back when he was a bit more brash and a little less nervous, when he took an airspeeder out for non-regulation use. Thoughts of less pleasant things he had witnessed on Jedha by Imperial Stormtroopers.

    Galen continued, “And I wonder if I should try to remedy those mistakes, including the ones I’ve made.”

    Bodhi looked over at the man, pensively staring into space. He bit his lip. “Sounds like a noble cause. It takes a lot of bravery to do something like that.”

    The man laughed and Bodhi looked at him strangely, wondering what could have been so funny. But the man’s mirth-crinkled eyes revealed nothing, and when he finally calmed his quaking shoulders he turned to look at him. “Thank you for the talk, Bodhi. Now, I believe I must join my fellow scientists before our arrival.”

    Bodhi nodded as the man left, and he went about landing routine with more nervousness than usual. Star Destroyer transports were more important than anything he had ever done, or so he believed, and Bodhi knew it when he looked out of his cockpit to see Galen greeting a man dressed in regal white, a contrast to his own grey uniform.

* * *

 

    Galen said nothing to him on the return flight. And while normally Bodhi was used to such silence from passengers, the man’s pacing threw him off. He was clearly agitated, marching around the ship with his chin in his hand, even turning away his companions who sought better company. Bodhi could hear his footsteps from the cockpit, and each clank was ramping up his anxiousness, until he felt he could no longer stare into the emptiness of space for comfort. He set the ship on autopilot, and sought the man out.

    “Galen?” he had asked, concerned for the man’s wellbeing. The older man stopped, looking up to him with slowly focusing eyes. “Bodhi,” he breathed and seemed in a trance to rush towards him before stopping himself.

    Urging himself to ignore his anxiousness, he approached the man carefully. The sound of his footsteps seemed to jumpstart him. “Bodhi, do you remember what I said about being right? About correcting one’s mistakes?” He stepped forward with surprising determination.

    “Yes, sir,” he nodded, wondering what he was recalling it for.

    “I think…” he stepped closer and lowered his voice. “I need someone’s help.”

    Bodhi looked over his shoulder, as if there was a co-pilot Galen was actually talking to. He gaped openly and stared at him in confusion.

    “Someone who wants to right their mistakes too,” he continued. “Who wants to fight for a nobler cause. Bodhi…” His hand came to rest on his shoulder and he had a terrible sinking feeling in his stomach.

    “I think you’re talking to the wrong guy,” he interrupted. “I’m just a pilot.” He removed his hand from his shoulder and stepped back. Anxiousness returned in a strong wave, he averted his gaze, looking at his shoes.

    Galen did not relent. He approached again, “A pilot who has an opportunity to change things. Who can make things right. For himself, for the galaxy…for me.” His other hand fell to his chest and it was Galen who averted his gaze this time.

    Bodhi took the chance to look clearly at him. He was an older man with tired eyes and graying hair, and the weight of the world on his shoulders. Bodhi wondered what this man could have possibly done, and a smaller part of him wondered why he was choosing him. He said, “What makes you think I can do something like that?”

    Galen gave him a smile that looked so close to breaking. “The greatest men come from the smallest of beginnings.” And Bodhi felt close to breaking himself, like his anxiousness was going to rip him apart where he stood, yet his feet stayed firmly anchored. He listened to the hum of the ship around him, thought of the sun reflecting of the sand of Jedha and found himself nodding.

    Galen smiled so gratefully, Bodhi felt a sense of purpose begin to replace his anxiety as he pulled him aside and whispered important things and pressed a slim drive into his palm that was critical for what he must do next. 

* * *

 

    Bodhi’s anxiousness never left him. And never before did he feel it so acutely as when he was standing in the middle of the ship with war raging all over the beach around them. Cassian was telling him important things: the communications, the Rebel fleet, the shield. Somewhere in the back of his brain he was piecing together what he had to do, but it was as if he was in a dream, moving through quicksand.

    The two charges that had stayed to hold the ship were not following what he was saying. He heard himself taking about the “master switch” and that they needed to turn it on, but they were hesitant. Bodhi was used to this; he had no authority. Who would follow orders from a twitchy pilot in over his head? He was not like Cassian who knew what had to be done and acted on it resolutely. But the bombs were raging and the communications were still gone.

    Pushing it all down, he relayed his commands again more forcefully. More confidence, just to mask the quiver in his voice, and before he knew it, the communications were through. He spoke with the Rebel Fleet Admiral, and then he turned around to see the flickering light of a bomb before his world turned white.

* * *

 

    Everything was a dream. White mist shrouded the world and through it, Bodhi thought he saw beams of light and flying sand. There was noise, he was sure of it, but it was distant and muffled.

    He felt his heart rate rise. This was not normal. He clutched at his chest and felt nothing. The world raged around him in more chaos, speeding up and sending explosions into his ears. He clutched his head to stop the pain.

    Amid the explosions, a voice floated, small yet persistent. “…with the Force. The Force is with me. I am one with the Force. The Force is with…”

    Light, but familiar, Bodhi stumbled towards it. Feeling for something unknown but he thought he knew. As he followed, the world slowed and the explosions quieted, letting him think freely. _Am I dead?_ he wondered.

    “Bodhi!” a voice said, and he swiveled towards it, clarity rushing through him. “Chirrut! Chirrut, where are you?!” He stumbled, but stood up again and kept going.

   “Bodhi! Peace!” At the voice’s insistence, he stopped and blinked. The white mist faded until he saw a figure in the distance, lightly glowing blue. “Chirrut?” he asked, “What is going on?”

    The blind man said nothing. Bodhi looked down again to see his own form, flickering like a hologram in the mist. “Are we dead?” he concluded.

    Chirrut shook his head. “Not dead. One with the Force.” Behind him, the mist cleared and Bodhi watched as the war ravaged the beach and then was gone in an instant like the blast on Jedha. He whispered, “I am one with the Force. The Force is with me.” And then, beyond the image of his blind friend, the forms of his fallen comrades flickered into view, whole and smiling despite it all. And further beyond that, he caught the flash of tired eyes and an approving smile, before Galen Erso disappeared into the white mist.

    Knowing deep in his heart, he said, “Our mistakes weren’t in vain my friends!” And he ran, whooping and hollering towards them with a joy he had never felt before.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! I wrote this in one night so hopefully there aren't any mistakes. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!


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